Rules for Mother’s Day

Well, Mother’s Day is quickly approaching. Yes, the one day out of the year where you need to step outside of yourself and show appreciation to that woman who gave you life. I have decided to pass along some wisdom for a smoother day and a happier mom. You wonder from whence this wisdom is derived? Well, I have been a mom for 18 years, with 5 kids, and have had a mom for XX years. I also feel that giving birth to a child over 10 pounds (oh he owes me big time!) qualifies me to dispense advice :).

I have chosen to focus on some things to not do on Mother’s Day:

-DO NOT forget your mom on Mother’s Day. It’s as simple as that. There are reminders everywhere–stores, television, the internet, the newspaper. If you know ahead of time that you will be in a remote location with no cell service or you have a premonition that your dialing finger will be incapacitated, call ahead of time. The day doesn’t matter as much as the thought!

-Don’t show up to your mom’s house asking what’s for dinner. No, no, no, that is the day for you to finally cook something for her or take her out! She will not really care what it is, make her a sandwich, bring over pizza, or take her to lobster. The idea is to get her out of the kitchen. And DO NOT leave her a mess. Oh, and if you get pizza, splurge a little and get the breadsticks (Moms like breadsticks).

-Taking your mother to the local warehouse store so she can eat the free samples is not considered buying her dinner. At least spring for the hot dog!

-Do not bring a month’s worth of laundry and expect your mom to take care of it! She is not responsible for you having clean clothes, at least that one day out of the year.

-Do not choose Mother’s Day to announce you are moving to a foreign country. Your mom wants to have her kids close, and you should choose a more appropriate time to ruin that illusion for her.

-The above rule also applies to going to prison, having a terrible illness, or any other sort of bad news. Mother’s Day is not the day for disclosures.

-If you are out of college, the macaroni necklace that you have been making for your mom for the last 20 years is no longer enough. Admittedly, she will still make a fuss over it, but you know better by now.

-Do not get your mother a gift that you would actually rather have. If she is not in to fishing, she is not going to like the creel and waders. She does understand that you are just hoping she will give it back to you because “you would use it more”.

-Do not give your mother a gift that will make her work harder. A mop or an iron are not fun, they just make us think our floors are dirty or our clothes are wrinkled.

I am sure there are plenty more pearls which I could offer, but for now we will leave it at these. I want to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day. Remember, there are plenty of men and women out there, parent or not, who should probably be honored on this day. Best wishes, my friends!

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