You Deserve a Gift Basket, O Maker of Gift Baskets

This poem was written for us by Scott Poole after he accompanied us on GiftTree’s white water rafting trip. Scott is the House Poet for LiveWire! Radio variety show in Portland, OR.


I want to give a gift basket to you.
You deserve it,
for your kindness, for your smiles
for your friendship…

Well, not a basket exactly
because that has a hint of Easter to it.
Then I would have to buy that horrible,
toxic plastic green Easter grass to fill it.
It’s hard crinkly corners get everywhere,
in the couch, stuck to that cat,
falling out of your underwear at work.

I think instead, I want to give you a gift box,
something simple and wooden, with a mysterious
black velvet pull cord coming from the top.
I’m thinking when someone pulls the cord, the box
explodes into a giant rubber raft.
It explode with laughter, like GiftTree,
and it would also explode with life jackets,
helmets, paddles, IT guys with cases of beer,
a tour bus and soaring mountains dressed in
long bridal waterfalls bathed in champagne mist.
However, that might cost approximately 735,000 dollars
and it would probably take about three years for delivery.

So maybe I should buy you something simpler,
like a gift wetsuit you can wear.  You receive
the wetsuit inside-out, and when you pull
it the right way, all the food is revealed
stuck to it. It comes with wine, cheese, crackers
and various tasty herb dips. You’ll be
the hit of the party as you walk around
looking like a hip Jacques Cousteau with a Martini
as people sample delicious refreshments from you.
Too impractical?

O.K. How about this?
I think the only thing that will do
for this beautiful group of friends
is the gift Twenty Watercraft Super Party Flotilla.
Which includes a raft just for tortilla chips,
one just for salsa, a guacamole boat,
a skiff of graded cheese, a dingy of ground beef,
and a schooner of refried beans.  Then after,
you get soaked plunging through ice cold Class 4 rapids,
you could jump into the tortilla chip raft,
completely coating yourself in chips, then jump in the salsa raft,
the jalapeno pepper canoe, the ground beef dingy
until you made all the way down the line
and when you got back to your own raft
(after you turned around 3 times, raised your paddle
in the air and yelled, “Excelsior!”)
you would be nachos!
Who doesn’t love nachos? Everyone would love you.

Who wouldn’t want that in a gift basket?  You’d be
more loved than a ranch full of kittens.
Which, by the way, is the suggested location
for next year’s trip (by the people who fell out of the boat.)

Written by Scott Poole
GiftTree White Salmon River Rafting Trip
August 11, 2012

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